Recollecting and contemplating....

I was supposed to write the first two section of this post quiet earlier but couldn’t do so majorly due to my laziness and partly beacuase I wanted to test how much sensitive I can be towards this issues over the period of time. Quiet along post this is but I hope it wont be boring. Every word describes my personal views and hence would not comply with others views.

26th November 08

The day was no different than the usual and so wasn’t the night. After dinner I, as usual, was multi-tasking. Watching some programme on television, surfing on net and chatting with friends on messenger, just the routine.

At 11:32 pm I bid farewell to a chat friend of mine from Ahemdabad and was about to turn off the pc when the same friend sms’ed me saying something like "This time your city has been attacked by terrorists. Check the news." Well … well … well … I thought, nothing new, and turned to the news channel. They were showing the Latest updates and Live coverage but I wasn’t very keen. My mom came to the room sometime after midnight and half asleep, she asked me if I was going to class tomorrow. I told her to see the news and that there seems to be some tension so I might not go. As I was finishing the line, in came my sister. She too, received sms from her friend informing about the incident. They both watched for a couple of minutes and went to sleep and so did I. It was not until next morning that I realized the seriousness of the situation incident. My dad and sis wanted to check the conditions before leaving for office and so the television was on when I opened my eyes to a scene of firing at Taj. Then it dawned upon me that it indeed was a terror attack and not just a small issue blown up by the media. It was no rumor. Our dear Bombay was attacked. My television hardly got rest in those 3 days. It would be on throughout the day and my sis would wakeup in the night hoping the situation was under control and watch the news for an hour or two. On the last day of the retaliation, I felt so drained out looking and hearing the news for so long that if started to feel nausea tic.

By the end of the whole episode, I was filled with sorrow, anger and helplessness. My eyes welled up looking at the figure of dead people which, being a mass media student, I knew was much less than the actual count. I knew none of those who lost their life yet I could feel the pain. I was also angry, not just with the politicians, the navy, the coast guard etc. etc. but with myself. There I was sitting in front of the television absolutely unable to anything to stop it. I was helpless. I felt amputed.

1st December 08 -

A few days after the carnage I went to visit the Taj Hotel. Oh, how much I loved looking at her. I always had a dream to go in Taj and have at least a cup of tea. I believed that one cannot resist to dream about getting in there just once in a lifetime. Now there it was, barricaded, burnt, bombed, drilled with bullets, and stained with blood. I didn’t image the amount of people who would come to see Taj at that time. The media was still there, police officers were on duty and not letting anyone trespass. The road from near the Gateway of India was completely blocked and I could only see the Gateway and Taj Towers on my right. So I took the road from Colaba Causeway that leads to the back side of Taj. Luckily, fewer people had been standing there. I cloud now see the old Taj Heritage wing form quiet close. From where I was standing, she looked absolutely fine. Just the same old lady I had seen so many times. But there were huge coverings that blocked the view of the garden where probably the scene was still untouched.

I requested the constable on duty and asked to permit me entry inside the barricade just till a small rock near a pillar of the building behind Taj where someone just like me had offered prayers earlier. The constable obliged and let me in. I kneeled at the stone that had two wilting roses and a burnt out candle on it, added a red rose I had got and closed my eyes. I was so blank, there wasn’t a single thought that came to my mind that very minute and that made me so scared. I stepped back behind the barricade and looked at Taj once again only to imagine how the incident would have taken place and what the people stuck inside would have gone through. I couldn’t hold back the tears and turned away....now i took the third road that leads to Taj. This time I could see a window on the top floor burnt to ashes. All the windows and doors on the ground floor were closed with big ply sheets to obstruct the view of inside. On my way out I saw a place that was hustling with crowd of people and realized that it was Cafe` Leopold. Till this moment, I had never noticed this place on any of the numerous occasions I happened to be on that street. Two of the stone pillars in front of the cafe were filled with wax of the candles lit last night. Everyone wanted to see the scars left behind on the place. However, I saw the scars not on the place but on the minds. Many of the visitors had damp eyes, even the foreigners. Most of them were there to vent out the sorrow they felt for the loss of the many lives. But at the same time I was appalled at the number of people who came there as a picnic. Dressed in the best outfit from their closet, full with makeup, with cameras and whole family laughing and jumping. I wondered if I need to go and tell them that they were about to see a place where a lot of people DIED just a few days ago. I couldn’t believe to see some college groups merrily going around to see Taj. How could one be so happy to visit such a place? It wasn’t the Taj - symbol of riches, but it was The Taj - mourning for innocent lives lost. "To one his own", I said to myself and returned home with a numb and sunken heart.

26th December 08

Resolved to pen down my much-awaited thought I woke up to find the same numbness. Newspapers were filled with the pictures of the attack. Survivor stories and articles of family members who lost their close one spilled across the pages. It’s a month after the terror attack and like me; all media personnel were waiting for the day. Questions, questions and question everywhere, on every mind who did or even did not lose a near and dear one. Why did it happen? Who was responsible? Were we incapable or ignorant? Can we....no...How should we reform? And many more such questions. I had been critising media for cashing on the issue, to politicize, to alter, to do blah blah blah .... quiet like a villain. But I would definitely like to appreciate the way they have taken this opportunity to get the common man's voice heard by the top level individuals of the nation. I don’t know what it will ultimately result in. But a necessary step is taken and that is definitely commendable.

Bombay has always been a resilient. It gets back to work very quickly, and everyone says kudos to this spirit of Bombay. But doesn’t this hamper the progress in away? Bombay tends to forget things very quickly due to the pace of life, but then we also forget to take precautionary measures to avoid the same problems again. Riots, bombasts, water clogging............everything is repeated so many times that we are becoming insensitive towards them. When I hear about a riot I say, “Its nothing new, who cares? its going to be a half day drama and tomorrow everything will be back to normal as if nothing has ever happened in here." This is not a good sign. I don’t feel good about this. The rage, the anger, guilt that we couldn’t do anything to stop it is the only fuel that can motivate to take assured measures for preventing any such disaster further.

This attack not only made me think about how ineffective our system is but also made me aware that I have shied away from my duties. Ever since I got the Right to vote I have voted only once and that too was just for the fun. I have taken it as a Right when it fact it is my duty towards the society. Every vote is precious and if one doesn’t vote or vote just for the sake of it, then he/she doesn’t have the right to complain against politicians. If I myself am responsible for getting these politicians at power then I myself am equally responsible for the degrading quality of system. So from now on I resolve to be responsible and be dutiful towards voting!

One more thing that I had noticed was that we all have stood united during crisis. But why be united only in adverse conditions? Why can’t we be united all the time even during the happier time? if we stay united and fight back we will be sting enough not to be mistaken as vulnerable to such terror attack. I think his time the terrorist have been successful, as I (like many others, I believe) am still grim, scared and the scar this time is deeper than ever for time to heal it sooner. Hope to see a change, to bring about a change, a change for better life.